How to clean puke off of a mattress

I recently had the job of cleaning puke off of Bean's mattress.  As fun as this sounds, I can think of a few more pleasant tasks, though maybe slightly less entertaining.  However, I will share the wisdom I gained from the experience.  Repeat at your own risk:

Step 1:  Pretend NOT to hear your six year old doing her fake gag at 9:00PM.

Step 2:  Get nervous when you realize that even though it is fake, it's gone on long enough that it is soon gonna be........ewwww

Step 3:  Open the kids' bedroom door, trying not to wake up the other two sleeping children and are greeted with a cheerful, "Look what I did, Mommy!  Say, can I have a glass of water?"

Step 4:  Tell her, "I'll be back in one second."  Close the door and walk to the kitchen.  Sit in a fetal position and scream into your thighs.  Walk back to their room.

Step 5:  Look at your child and say, "No water right now, sweetie.  We should let your stomach have a few minutes to rest."

Step 6:  [gag, Gag, GAG] as the new odor in their room hits your nostrils.

Step 7:  Try NOT to puke while holding your breath.

Step 8:  Tell your child to get extra blankets to make a pallet on the floor while you use every single diaper wipe you can find to surface clean the mattress.  In the dark.

Step 9:  Place all contents on her bed into a garbage bag and haul mattress to garage for deep cleaning the next day.  Outside!

Step 10:  Curl up with your other daughter who woke up when you rustled the garbage bag.

Step 11:  Try not to wake up said daughter when the older child finishes off the stomach-stress job on the pallet  and her hair, pajamas, closet door, floor.....

Step 12:  Send child to the shower.  Load up everything from the pallet into another garbage bag for tomorrow's deep cleaning block party.

Step 13:  Practice Lamaze breathing techniques while reaching into the shower to help your daughter get all of the remains out of her long, long, long, hair.

Step 14:  Make another pallet on the kitchen floor near the bathroom and tell her she has to be puke free for one hour if she wants any water.

One hour later:
Step 15:  Give cup of water to a very cheerful and proud kiddo.

Next day:
Step 16:  Plug in handheld deep cleaner (ever house with small kids should have one of these) and begin working on the mattress and bag contents.

Step 17:  Haul mattress into the sunshine and sprinkle with a homemade paste of vinegar, baking soda, rosemary leaves and peppermint leaves.

Step 18:  Accidentally forget about the mattress with it's cleaning paste on it for an entire day.

Step 19:  Thoroughly wipe off paste.

Step 20:  Put newly bought vinyl mattress protector on mattress before putting the freshly cleaned sheets back on.

Step 21:  Celebrate with a few scoops of ice cream after the kids' bedtime.  :-)

My Worst/Best Diaper Story. Yet.

This particular story takes place when Bean was about ten months old and we had recently moved to California for Mr. Z's station with the Army.  I was attending a new family meeting when an all too familiar smell caught my nose.  Well, I figured if I could smell it then everyone else could too.  Drat.  So, I quietly slipped out of the big room and found a bathroom.  I set little Bean all up to change her diaper and before I started, I reached into the diaper bag to pull out all of the supplies I would need.

Reach.

Touch searching through bag.

Frantic touch searching through the bag.

The next couple seconds felt like an hour as I had to quickly process:  I had forgotten to restock the diaper bag.

No diapers.
No wipes.

Gulp.  Breathe.  Gasp, gasp--ok don't breathe, that diaper still smelt bad!

It was in that moment I remembered a book my mother-in-law had given Mr. Z and me, Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook--Parenting.  One thing I recalled from the book was using what you have and immediately available to solve the situation/problem.  Ok.  Ok.  What do I have?  Kid, Kid wearing clean clothing (a onesie and pants).  What about the diaper bag?  I have a receiving blanket.  Couple of ziplock bags.  I also had hand sanitizer, a sippy cup of juice, crackers, desitin, infant tylenol, hair scrunchie and a bulb syringe, but I decided not to include those in my mental list of possibilities.  Now, what do I have available to me in this bathroom?

Scanning.....

Uh, toilet paper, paper towels, water, maxipads (in a machine thingy).

Maxipads?  Saaaaay....I bet those could absorb more than just....ok, you get the picture.

So, I grab many paper towels, getting about half of them wet and keeping half of them dry.  I also grab some toilet paper.  I plop a quarter into the maxipad vender and was relieved when I heard the !Kachunk! of the single maxipad box fall to my hands.  I undressed little Bean.  Very.  Carefully.  I knew I could NOT get these clothes dirty in the diaper process.  Definitely not this time!  I took the toilet paper and wiped the, uh, excess.  Then used the wet/dry paper towels to wash the bum and pat dry it.  I would be lying if I did not admit I actually did consider pulling out that hand sanitizer for her bum at this point, but thought better of it.  Then, I carefully placed that maxipad on the receiving blanket (folded in a perfect triangle, I might add).  Then, I placed this 'state of the art' maxi-cloth diaper on Bean's bum.  Oh great.  How do I fasten it?  Oh wait--the hair scrunchie!  Perfect!!  Thankfully the onsie gave a little extra closing support, followed by those pants.

Whew!  I did it!

I used one of those ziplock bags to dispose of the diaper and then returned to the meeting.

No, that is not a bewildered, embarrassed, yet strangely proud look on my face.  I just happen to find BAH's fascinating.

potty training continues

I asked Bitty today if she needed to go potty.  Her quick reply was, "Nope, my panties are not wet yet."  Hmmm, I think we still have a lot of work to do.

a recent facebook update

I had placed Bitty on the toilet (with the promised bribed of one, red, M&M) to encourage her to pee, Bean and Bop were in time-outs for intense negotiations over a polly-pocket doll and Buddy was happy to check-out the anticsand toys from the exer-saucer. I took the opportunity to put fresh sheets on Bop's bed before bedtime routines started. It took me a total of three minutes to change the sheets while making silly sounds and faces at Buddyl. I emerged from the girls' room and found Bop licking an empty tuna can. It would be the same can I had recently placed on the ground near Jack-jack's food dish so he could enjoy the remaining juices and fish flakes. I had seen him enjoying them a few minutes prior which means. . . ew. . .gross. . . .uh. . . ."BOP!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" After I had recovered from this as much as one can, I checked on Bitty. I found she had, with her fingers, made a grand canyon in the toilet paper roll. She proudly said she put it in the potty. Sure enough. The toilet bowl looked like a mushroom cloud. You have GOT to be kidding me!! I couldn't believe the words, "NEVER put toilet paper in the potty" actually escaped my lips. Yeah. She looked confused too.

Veggie Compost

I served sugar snap peas and orange juice for a snack this afternoon.  The kids decided they didn't want to eat either just plain, so they mixed them up.  They tore the snap peas and mixed it with their orange juice to make "compost."  They reported it was very yummy.  Hmmmm, no thanks.  I think I'll pass.  I'm just glad they consumed it!